I slowly meandered up the stairs. I had purpose with no mindset like in a trance. Everything was normal. this was the way it is and always has been.. my house- a morph between my past houses but unusually vast. Down the hallway..east. Always east I headed to the small sanctuary that was my room. It contrasted with the house, as it should. The house was a house- my room was distinctly my home. It was dark, sultry, candle lit, the smell of incense fogged my mind. It's aura fettered power. My directional alters were their element.
I sat down on the edge of my bed and thumbed through my sketchbook. I saw the people I loved in thought. And I saw the pictures of those who I had drawn- Sadie, Sam, Margot Sarah, A deceased friend I had never drawn, I thought of rope surged through my mind and I shuttered. The thought vanished. The book fell to the floor and showed me Margot. I drifted out of focus for a while and snapped back in as wax dripped from 'north' my fire alter it pooled on twine wrapping around a mirror. I became entranced by the flow of the wax, let it drip on my skin. It burned my skin but stimulated my mind. I set the taper candle down on the red velvet cloth. sideways. The pooled wax and twine sparked a small flame. I curled up in my bed and fell into oblivion.
I flashed in and out of awareness. The cloth was burning. I sat up and watched it burn.. watched it as it entered the state of tenaciousness. I entered a state of consciousness in which no emotion existed. My mirror reflected the flickering flames in my face, the table crumbled. The fine connection between my room and the next was broken... the flames trickled in.
It erupted in flame. It was as if someone had painted the room in gasoline. Extreme light vibrant red orange and yellow glared through the hole in my wall. Sultry turned to sweltering. I felt the heat sting my face as I watched it on the edge of my bed. Utter apathy.
My face was scalded by torrid heat, feet charred by flame. Instinct battled my oblivion and I got up tranquilly, stepped around the burning floor boards and meandered downstairs. No thought to inform anyone. Just maybe that I should move. I went outside. My backyard identical of my last abode. I walked towards the oak beneath my room and curled up at it's base. Emotions. I felt passion. I felt belonging. Protection. I was amongst longevity, stability, strength, tolerance, wisdom, and prosperity. I glanced at the fire above. It didn't matter. I went to sleep.
I drifted in and out of consciousness, checking on the fire. I felt a strain of possession. I had created the fire, stoked it. ..Did I? The power and magnificence. A tinge of guilt. I had created the fire. It's destruction, it's pain. A thought crossed me wondering if I should awaken family. The thought passed and apathy took over once again. Sparks flew from my room. debris and ash fell. I fell out of consciousness. My leg burned. Debris fell within inches of my face. Lethargy held me there.
I felt my pocket for my phone figuring I should probably call 911. A flash of irritation. Finch still had it. I pulled myself away from my tree and removed the burning board that had fallen on my leg. Drawn asunder from my foundation and comfort my actions became acute, my mind remaining in partial apathy. I trudged inside my house it's utter darkness blinded me as I felt the walls for our phone. Time passed and the downstairs rooms were burning. I felt blindly for the phone. No luck. tried to find another line. I could feel the phone. It brought me too close to the fire and my burns singed. I had no feelings, but I could see them burn. I fumbled for the buttons.. it was incinerated. I shrugged and left the great kiln to it's demise.
I crossed the street and rang the door bell. A young man I was somewhat familiar with answered.. He was a bit out of it.. intoxicated attempting to escape the nuptial institution.
"Hey umm. My house is burning down. Do you mind If I use your phone?" Toneless.
"Oh umm yeah sure. it's over there." He pointed inside his house. Thanks for the specifics. Again I fumbled in the dark. My traipse eventually came to an end. Dialing became my new endeavor. Once in contact with the police I was transferred a few times.
Where is the fire? is it contained? How did it start? Is everyone out of the building? I gave a toneless address and shrugged the rest off. Is everyone out? Eh. Probably. Okay, well be...
My task was done and my mind went back to abeyance.
My family and pets had taken refuge, I took little notice in my stupor. The fire was being put out... family was running in and out grabbing something of importance. I saw the expectation for me to be materialistic. ..Almost suppressed, my room still burned. I approached the assassin of my fire and thought in his terms. "Don't worry about that room, it's not worth it." They nodded and departed.

I walked back up the charred stairs everything was ash and soot. floor, the walls, the air, scent, the powder that covered my skin. And I walked South... south to my room, where it always was. I walked into my flaming cessation.
I thought about the tree.. My desideratum. I wanted to be part of it. My ash in it's roots.